


STUFFED WITH LOVE

by slightly_overcooked_creepypasta



Category: Last Podcast on The Left (Podcast) RPF
Genre: Absurd, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Erotic, Fluff, Food, Food Sex, Funny, Oral Sex, Other, Sex, Weird, lpotl, poland - Freeform, polish, really buckle up it's gonna get weird in here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-06 06:29:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20286928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slightly_overcooked_creepypasta/pseuds/slightly_overcooked_creepypasta
Summary: Polish man encounters sentient dumplings and has sex with them.





	STUFFED WITH LOVE

**STUFFED WITH LOVE**

Steam of boiling water filled the small kitchen, and Władysław dumped the pirogi in the pot. He lowered the heat and stirred the pot with wooden spoon. Then he opened the window to let in the fresh air. It was a normal, boring Sunday in Krakow Poland, the city was filled with traffic and pollution, tourists snapped photos of architecture and old, drunk man was peeing at the bus stop.

Władysław was a regular, 40 years old, divorced polish man. He enjoyed beer, ate barszcz and Gołąbki, worked as a bus driver and enjoyed watching football on his small TV. Life was nothing special, but he didn't"t complain. The least he was no longer married to that horrific Kristyna, woman from hell. When they first started dating, she seamed nice. Huge tits, could drink liters of żubrówka, sucked him once after he made the best bigos in his life. But then she got a promotion and thought she deserved a man upgrade and started fucking her fat boss, and he kicked her out.

Pirogi started to rise to the surface of the water, so he stirred them some more. He loved to cook and polish cuisine was one of the finer in his opinion. Just lots of fatty meat, juicy cabbage and lots of vodka can make anyone happy. He prepared the strainer, plate and turned the pot off. Pirogi smelled amazing and after he got them on a plate he poured a huge amount of carmelized onions with butter on top and a gallop of sour cream. He got a cold beer out of the fridge and sat down to have his dinner. But before he could reach for the fork, he noticed it.

The pirogi were steering at him.

He felt a rush of blood to his head, and he rubbed his eyes. Surely he was just tired, maybe it was too much TV, he always heard it could mess up his brain, but figured it would only apply to young people, sitting in front of computer for hours, playing those loud games, not an old prick like him. But when he opened his eyes, he saw their eye. Their small, womanly eyes and pumped lips. Gazing at him. One of them send him a kiss.

— What the kurwa.?! — He screamed, almost falling off the chair.

— We're sorry mister, if we frightened you — Said one of the pirogi, in a woman's voice. It was deep and sexy, and Władysław noticed he liked it.

— What the kurwa is happening? — He asked and stared at his plate of now sentient food. Was he drunk? No way, he only had one beer, and he never took any drugs. Maybe somebody slipped him something, but when and why?

— There is no need to be afraid mister Władek — said the same pieróg as before — we're here to help you.

— Help me? What... How? And How are you alive? What the kurwa mać is happening? — Was he loosing his mind? He never thought it would happen like this. He heard about people going crazy, shitting in stores and running naked through streets but nobody told him about fucking food talking to you when you were about to have a nice, normal dinner.

\- We are here to make you happy.We dumplings have a way of knowing, when a Slavic man needs love, and we came to assist you — Dumpling smiled, and it seemed to smile with its whole tiny body. Władysław's heart started beating faster. How did they know? Was this really happening? He pinched his arm. Nothing changed. He jumped to the sink and splashed his face with cold water.

\- There is no need to hurt yourself mister — He heard pirogi say, behind him — Just relax and let us work our doughy magic.

\- What do you mean? — He said, turning to face them — What do you want to do? Pirogi giggled.

\- Just sit down, have a beer and let your mind be open for the possibilities of unimaginable pleasures — pirogi licked her pumped lips. He did as they say, sitting faintly on edge of wooden chair. One by one dumplings jumped from wet plate onto his lap, and begun to unzip his pants.

\- O kurwa — He whispered, but didn't object. After all, I still might be just a dream, and why not see how it's gonna end. Also warm, little bodies of doughy dumpling felt amazing against his naked skin. He started to sweat. Pirogi pulled his limp penis from polka dotted underwear and started kissing and sucking it. It was the strangest sensation, so wrong yet so right. His penis got hard and red and dumplings took turns sucking the tip, rubbing against the shaft and snuggling on ball. One slid between the cheeks, trying to lick the taint and anus with its tiny lounge. Władek changed position to make it easier on the little thing, and he felt absolute bliss go through him as dumpling explored his erogenous regions, meticulously.

\- Oh yeah, mister you are beautiful — said dumpling, flopping on his hard dick, wetting it with its juices. — doesn't it feel good?

\- Yeah — said Władek, sipping his beer. It went down smoothly. — How about we move somewhere more comfortable?

\- Now we're talking — Dumplings giggled. He moved them all back to the plate, pulled his pants all the way down, undressed his shirt and took the dumplings to his small bedroom. Władysław placed dumplings on the flowery sheets and got on top.

\- Take it — he said, as he thrusted. Pirogi felt better than any pussy he ever had. He penetrated their soft mouths, feeling the warm stuffing on top of his dick, a composition of cheese and potatoes, and he heard himself moan. Two of the pirogi jumped to his nipples, sucking vigorously not to fall down again, like little alive nipple clamps and Władek shouted with pleasure.

\- Oh kurwa yeah!

He jackhammered fast, feeling tiny bodies flap and jump around, penetrating one after the other, sometimes just sides of two clumped together, sometimes hitting the bed.

\- M-mister slow down, we will show you good times — said one dumpling, after receiving whole dick to the face. Władek listened and they changed position. He laid on the back, knees-up, pirogi divided, to attend both to the dick and the ass. One pierced himself on the dick, sucking hardest as he could, two sucked the sides, one jiggled and suck balls, and three started crawling inside his butt to hit that prostate.

\- K-kurwa Mać! — Władek screamed, feeling he was getting close. Dumplings from his nipples relaxed, now licking sweat off his chest and plump beer belly. The one on top of his penis gargled and stuffed himself with that head, his ass was full of pirogi tickling his prostate. Nothing would ever compare to this, he was so thankful, tears filled his eyes as orgasm came and hot jizz shoot out, lifting the dumpling from his penis into the air. The little thing tried swallowing as much as it could and the others rushed to drink too. The ass ones popped out rubbing sweetly on his cheeks, now everybody licked hungrily, smacking their lips. Władek closed his eyes in bliss, still feeling little shiver of orgasmic power twitching his penis.

\- That was incredible — he said. — Where did you learned how to do that?

\- Long time ago all pirogi had sex with men before the meal. But the god Pierog got jealous and didn't want to share his mistresses with all Slavic people, so he locked us up in his sex dungeon and left you with sad, lifeless forms of your shells. Only few of us remain free, traveling the lands, looking for people in need of sexual adventure. Now that you are satisfied we will discard our bodies for you to eat and go on.

And before Władek could say a word, little white round forms came out of dumpling and drifted to the air. They looked like a fat fairys, with big bellies and huge tits, clapping their tiny wings. They left a hazy, white trail as they flied away, and Władek breathed it deeply. It smelled like flour. He was left alone with full plate of dumpling skins, still warm. Władysław ate them all, and they were delicious.

**Author's Note:**

> This was done purly for joy of writing something so absurd. I am polish myself and tried to come up with the funniest stereotypical thing to use as sex object. 
> 
> Some polish words I used in this:
> 
> pierogi - polish dumplings  
pieróg - one single dumpling  
kurwa mać - polish curse word, meaning "fuck"  
żubrówka - polish brand of vodka  
barszcz - beet soup  
gołąbki - polish dish, cabbage stuffed with rice and meat  
bigos - another dish with cabbage and meat


End file.
